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Mar. 22nd, 2008 @ 05:11 pm Flow My Tears, seanlanders said
Current Location: The Mountain Compound, 01008
Current Mood: inertia
Current Music: NPR is talking about economic collapse, crushing Tibetan resistance, et c.
Tags: , , ,
I think I need to get my Penfield Mood Organ repaired.

Right now, it seems to be stuck on 'unbounded desire to do little more than sit around in your pajamas and chain-smoke while looking at the Internet, no matter how little of interest you find there'.

Briefly, I seem to have dialed it to 'middling desire to be useful', and that manifested in putting some clothes in the washing machine and making a delicious breakfast.

And the breakfast was, in fact, /delicious/.

But now I'm back on the earlier setting.

I gotta find the number for 'urge to get your shit together and get outside' before I lose this beautiful spring day.

'Awareness of the manifold possibilities of the future' would be nice, but at this point, 'urge to get your shit together' will certainly do.

(Ever have a Saturday where you felt like you lost the instruction manual?)
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Dec. 16th, 2007 @ 03:26 am seanlanders, in the style of the doclanders days/daze
Current Location: The Mountain Compound, 01008
Current Mood: acceptably odd
Current Music: the humidfier whirrs, the monitor whines
Man.

I've started a post much like this before -- and I'm certain to start a post like this yet again in the days to come -- but the middle of the night, on a Saturday transforming into Sunday, while you wait for the snow to pour down out of the pregnant overcast sky -- that is no time to go prowling through the corridors of your old livejournal, sifting through the ashes of your past.

( Read more... )

Now, it is somehow 4 in the AM, and I am unusually tired, wishing it was perhaps an hour or so earlier.

In retrospect, though, it was good to read all that. A kind of reality check.

A reminder of where I sit, right here and right now, and the things I did and places I went and people I met, all of whom helped me get right where I am. The forces and entities and personalities and institutions that moved me and molded me and shaped me.

And a reminder that while I sometimes aspire to understand everything, comprehensively, I often have difficulty understanding myself even a little bit, which has always been true, and is likely to always be true.

All Of That Previous Writing About The Odd Feeling Experienced By Reading Past Journal Entries, Summed Up Very Quickly:

The real weirdness stems from the disconnect that follows trying to reconcile who I am with who I was, where I was with where I am; with thoughts and feelings that are still a part of me, but further developed, better understood, and sometimes repudiated entirely; with ideas expressed and words spoken that I recognize as my own but do not recall writing and sometimes feel estranged from; experiencing a self that both no longer exists and yet will always exist within me, which sparks memories, but also alters them - that completes them, yet also distorts them.

All this is complicated by the fact that this is not /real/ journal writing, which turns inwards, which is meant for oneself or perhaps one's descendants - this is, by and large, a public medium, meant more for your consumption as a reader as much as my own edification as the author.

In short, it is experiencing myself as a stranger would -- the dustless archives of livejournal provide one with the literary equivalent of the experience of viewing oneself on video, or hearing oneself on audio tape. It can be quite disorienting to hear oneself as one sounds from outside one's own skull.
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Dec. 14th, 2007 @ 10:24 pm missing the point somewhat, yet at ease nonetheless.
Current Location: The Mountain Compound, 01008
Current Music: Joshua Rifkin playing Scott Joplin
Hi, again.

( Read more... )

I think I'll go watch an episode of Twin Peaks and just mellow for a bit. Hope you're well. Best wishes.
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Dec. 13th, 2007 @ 03:43 pm (no subject)
Current Location: The Mountain Compound, 01008
Current Mood: peaceful
Current Music: Paul Robeson - Bear The Burden In The Heat of the Day
Tags: , ,
Hi, everyone.

(post-script as a pre-script: Let's see if I can remember how to make that ol' lj-cut tag work, 'cause I set out to type up a quick 'hello kind world' type post and wound up with an eyeful.)

( Read more... )

Off to the Great Outdoors for spiritual contemplation and full-stop physical activity, clear out the garage doors and the walkway thereto, and then back inside. Maybe I'll throw on that Scott Joplin record, cook up a little something, wash dishes in the meantime, toss some logs on the fire, curl up on the couch, and read a chapter or so of "Red Mars". I've got two packs of smokes, a decent amount of provisions in the larder, a cellar full of firewood, a feeling of ease and contentment, and two discs of Twin Peaks that I 'liberated' from the school library "for a class" (an independent study I'm calling "Sean Landers Relaxes At Home By The Fire And Lets A Wonderfully Weird Mood-Scape Wash Over Him Like A Cool Ocean Breeze").

Sounds like a half-way decent evening to yours truly.

I look forward to reading more from you (if you're still posting, or if you aren't), and hope you're well, and wish you luck, whether there's snow where you're standing or whether there ain't.

Post-Script, for realsies. Because it wouldn't be a post without a link, if you're interested in some transcendentalism for transcendentalism's sake, might I humbly suggest Emerson's "The Over-Soul"? I've been reading it in fits and gasps recently, and it has a tendency to leave me reeling. The density of the language, the grand vision mingled with greater humility, the humaneness and the introspection... well, I think you might get a kick out of it. The Over-Soul
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Sep. 25th, 2007 @ 09:35 pm Who says the US has nothing to export?
To anyone more plugged in than me (lots of people):

As inspiring as this Myanmar event is -- does anyone know how connected it may (or may not) be to a shady effort I read a little bit about some months ago?

The shady effort is namely: pacifist/nonviolence movements inspired, trained, and funded by the US State Department/CIA in an effort to use the Thoreau/Gandhi/King trick in order to topple governments manifestly unfriendly to our national interests. ('National interests' reads: a) 'free markets' for US exports, b) cheap labor, c) agreeable pliability and d) sympathy with our foreign policy goals -- but then, I'm at risk of repeating myself.)

Basically: a movement to export liberty, and topple tyrannies. Allegedly at work in Ukraine, Lebanon, Georgia, et c., perhaps attempted in Iran and similar god-awful Axis of Evil powers.

So, yeah.

How spontaneous is this uprising?

The media seem to be painting it as the whim of a people overfull with tyranny, eager to breathe deeply the bracing air of freedom.

But there's a tiny and somewhat paranoid loudspeaker in my brain that insists I search the backdrop for shadowy strings made in the USA.

I remain guardedly optimistic, but also somewhat wary that this may not be as pleasant a development as I hope it to be.

To my understanding, movements this significant tend to require a great degree of coordination, organization, and logistical support, and do not tend to spontaneously materialize -- unless the new-fangled digital whatnot we've been hearing so much about has decreased the necessary organization for a change of state in the ultra-modern era. Which would be refreshing news, indeed!

Does anyone have any info on the organization & logistics of the refreshing discontent currently afoot in Myanmar/Burma?

---

In other news: how about that UAW strike, eh?
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Aug. 21st, 2007 @ 05:21 pm Further Things Overheard in a Coffee Shop near a College
... just dreading the onset of another year...


I've seen some great movies recently!
Oh yeah...

Then, I'll see you around on campus in a few days -
I'm afraid so.
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Aug. 11th, 2007 @ 12:03 pm Lesson Learned! 2 & 2.5
Lesson Learned! (2): You can look at the past, but you don't have to stare at it.

Lesson Learned! (2.5): Use the past as a guide post, not a whipping post.
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Aug. 10th, 2007 @ 10:34 pm Further Evidence That I Have A Lot To Learn, Part III, IV
III: It is not wise to go food-shopping on an empty stomach an hour before the grocery store closes.

IV: The middle of the night, right before bed-time, is not at all the time to go on a reminiscing voyage through the reams of saved emails in your GMail account.

PLUS!

Lessons Learned! (Numero Uno)

I: Proper nutrition and eight hours of sleep can repair a multitude of life's problems (which aren't actually as awful as you imagine them to be).
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Aug. 3rd, 2007 @ 02:06 am Further Evidence That I Still Have A Lot To Learn, Part II
Rice-A-Roni tastes like shit.

To be more accurate, Rice-a-Roni tastes like cardboard that's been shredded, boiled, and had a whole package of bullion cubes spilled into it.

(Worth noting: It might just be my improper preparation... but having read the ingredients on the other side of the package, I sincerely doubt it.)

Ugh. If I'm going to stick to this whole 'cook more for yourself to save money/it is more fulfilling' plan, I better secure better ingredients.
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Aug. 3rd, 2007 @ 01:50 am Further Evidence That I Still Have A Lot To Learn, Part 1
I just burned rice-a-roni. What is that about?! Who does that?

How can you screw up making rice-a-roni? There's instructions right there on the side of the box!

I think that I quite possibly let it 'sautee' too long; the vermicelli went from golden-brown to brown to, uh, too brown. Like, crunchy-brown.

So, let's call that one lesson learned.

What next? Stay tuned.
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Apr. 3rd, 2007 @ 11:54 pm They think that I got no respect, but...
Current Location: The Quisling Clinic, Blandford, MA, 01008
Current Music: Elvis Costello - Less Than Zero
So, hey, I was reading US's Bungled Plan to Kidnap Iran's Top Spook Prompted Hostage Taking by Patrick Cockburn over at CounterPunch...

A failed US attempt to abduct two senior Iranian security officers on an official visit to northern Iraq was the starting pistol for a crisis that ten weeks later led to Iranians seizing 15 British sailors and marines.

Early in the morning of 11 January helicopter-born US forces launched a surprise raid on a long-established Iranian liaison office in the city of Arbil in Iraqi Kurdistan. They captured five relatively junior Iranian officials whom the US accuses of being intelligence agents and still holds.

In reality the US attack had a far more ambitious objective The Independent has learned. The aim of the raid, launched without informing the Kurdish authorities, was to seize two men at the very heart of the Iranian security establishment.

The two senior Iranian officers the US sought to capture were Mohammed Jafari, the powerful deputy head of the Iranian National Security Council, and General Minojahar Frouzanda, the chief of intelligence of the Iranian Revolutionary Guard, according to Kurdish officials.

...

The two men were in Kurdistan on an official visit during which they met the Iraqi President Jalal Talabani at his house beside Dokan lake and later saw Massoud Barzani, the president of the Kurdistan Regional Government, at his mountain headquarters at Salahudin overlooking Arbil.

So, yeah. That's that. What's with that?

(Am I even surprised anymore? Should I just pretend to be surprised and outraged, so that I don't disappoint the President & Co-Conspirators?)

---

On another note: I'm doing fine these days, thanks for asking. Could be a little less busy, I guess. That'd be cool. But, hey, life is life. And like I said, right about now, my life, while chaotic and free-fall like, ain't too bad.
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Mar. 24th, 2007 @ 01:06 pm excerpt saturday
Here's a super harrowing excerpt from a fairly outstanding CounterPunch piece by Alexander Cockburn,
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Feb. 25th, 2007 @ 05:11 pm (no subject)
Current Location: 01008
Current Music: theme song to "Soap" in brain
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I got invited to an Academy Awards party (I think I might wear the too-big white suitcoat, rather than the too-big/too-loud blue-and-red 'Dumper' jacket), and I don't want to show up without anything to say.

So, real quick-like, I'll summon up my Oscar predictions through the awesome power of my unerring logical-scientific methodology (which depends largely on intuition and the proper recognition of daily omens and portents in dreams).

---

I figure, taking the last things first, The Departed for Best Picture. (In part because it seems schematically most likely, Academy-wise; and also intuition; and also, I saw it, and do believe I enjoyed it.)

And Scorsese could get an Oscar, and I figure he has to eventually, so let's say he will.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say Peter O'Toole for Best Actor, which will probably prove to be quite wrong; but once again, he turned down the Honorary one, so will the Academy reward his audacity? (I have no idea, but I bet this would yield a good Oscar speech, so let's cross our fingers.)

I think Best Performance for an Actress in a Leading Role (such high-falutin' titles) goes to Helen Mirren, because everyone is all abuzz over The Queen, but it'll never win an Oscar, but if it was good it was probably largely because she was good, so give the Actress in the Leading Role the gold statue, and let's move on to the next category.

Supporting Actor? I want Alan Arkin to win because he is tops in my book. So he simply must win. Very simple. (Although, Mark Wahlberg is like 1/4th of the reason to watch the Departed, so, hey, I wouldn't weep bitterly if he waltzed home with Oscar, either.)

Actress in a Supporting Role? I, uh. Didn't, uh... see... any... of these movies.

---

Let's take a minute to talk about my process.

Um, I guess based on a complex matrix... a series of inquiries progressing as follows:

1) am I familiar with relevant factors (other categories, people involved, past Academy Awards) that may sway the balance one way or another? (is someone owed? did someone just win one? is this film unlikely to win based on historical precedent?)
2) did I see and enjoy the film/performance?
3) who would I give the Award to if I were omnipotent, for the purposes of my own enjoyment and enriching all of creation?

A heady brew of incisive deductive thinking and utter and complete conjecture.

---

Actress in a Supporting Role...

Please, not another little girl with an academy award? Too precious. And it makes me feel low, like maybe I should've won one. No one wants that, except her, but she's young (and she hasn't realized yet that life is just the one long disappointment all the way to the grave). She's got her whole life ahead of her.

Give it to the actress from Babel, 'cause I'm just wildly guessing.


I want Pan's Labyrinth to win best Foreign Film... but if there's a better film, I hope it wins, and then I'll go see it... but... I liked Pan's Labyrinth more than I can possibly articulate. It grabbed my brains and wouldn't let go for two hours, totally and completely absorbing me.


For screenplay, Children of Men 'cause it was good and got robbed and was amazing, and Little Miss Sunshine as a way of saying 'sorry, you were never ever neever noover going to win Best Picture, but you were really very good and do keep it up'.

and... I... guess that's it.
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Feb. 20th, 2007 @ 04:56 am EXCERPTS FROM AN INTERVIEW WITH JIM SHOOTER
Current Location: blandford
Current Music: talking birmingham jam
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Jim Shooter (b. 1951), the "Silver Age's premier child prodigy", started writing for DC Comics at age 13. Marvel's EiC from 1978 to 1987, overseeing an era of record profitability.

JIM SHOOTER: I got the idea that I'd like to write and draw comics when I was 12. I spent a year literally analyzing and studying comics, especially Marvels, trying to figure out what made the good ones work, and what made the bad ones bad.

At age 13, I thought I was ready. I wrote and drew, as best as I could, a Legion of Super-Heroes story for National/DC's Adventure Comics and sent it off. I picked that one because I judged it to be the worst comic book published, and therefore, the place where I had the best chance to sell a story.

[...]

INTERVIEWER: For your first Superman story, in Action #340 (July 1966), you created the Parasite, who would become a recurring member of Superman's rogues' gallery. What was the genesis of that villain?

JIM SHOOTER: I was in ninth grade at the time, taking Biology I. We were studying parasites. I needed a villain...

INTERVIEWER: Were you involved with the adaptation of your Parasite origin to television in the New Adventures of Superman cartoon?

JIM SHOOTER: The Parasite was on the cartoon?! I didn't know that.
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Feb. 16th, 2007 @ 04:18 pm SELECTED STATEMENTS ONE IS LIKELY TO OVERHEAR...
... in a college-town coffee shop.

(Part of a continuing series...)

"I'm not religious... AT ALL... (but...)"

"The party was ridiculous."
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Feb. 12th, 2007 @ 05:20 pm (no subject)
Also: anyone want to go see Casablanca at the Brattle on Wednesday?

'cause I kind of want to.


'cause I don't have any idea what else I'd do on Valentine's Day, other than buy myself a dozen roses and a big box of candy and eat both of them, stems and tissue paper and almonds and all.

Yuck, almonds!

Save me from almonds.

And get back at me quick, 'cause that thing's gonna be sold out wicked quick.
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Feb. 12th, 2007 @ 04:48 pm (no subject)
Current Location: thirsty mind, south hadley
Current Mood: loitering
Current Music: jazz?
Tags: ,
Alright.

Just finished curriculum stuff, just about prepped to go in tomorrow and deal with the things that must be done... (reminder: write a pop quiz for chapter 11.1 and 11.2 tomorrow!!!)

I'm super sick of that last post being THE LAST POST (first post?) in my Journal, mostly because that isn't the space I'm in now, so instead, I've resolved to write something else (not about anything in particular, perhaps about everything in particular in extremely general terms).

Went to see Factory Girl last night, Warhol and Dylan and above and through and all around it, Sedgewick. Went all the way out to Boston to do so, on a whim, as suggested by Gaby. It was a nice way to spend a Sunday, and generally speaking a fine adventure.

I don't have a particularly sophisticated opinion about the film or anything; I liked it, and mostly just soaked it up like a sponge, slouched in my seat while I drank whiskey from a flask. (Which is a fine way to enjoy the film.)

Factory Girl was the third film I saw in a week - on Tuesday, it was Children of Men, on Wednesday it was Pan's Labyrinth. Outstanding... outstanding. I had a lot more to say about both, but shared both opinions so many times that I'm sick of hearing/saying them. But I'd be more than happy to have a conversation about either/both.

This totally shatters my 'I Ain't Goin' To See No Movies' streak, which was holding strong; I just saw more movies on the big screen in a week than I'd seen in the previous six months.

I forgot about the simple pleasure of going into a huge room full of other people to all enjoy the same vast image/sound environment in a relative hush; all of us all alone all together.

---

I also realized recently that my ability to conversate film has gotten sharper, more nuanced; my ability to write film has atrophied. I feel flabby, and inadequate, written review-wise; and that used to be my strength. Go figure, that's what chatting film with 17 year olds all week every week for 180 days will do to you.

---

Meanwhile, I think I also realized why teachers are sometimes such incredible asses and insufferable bores; they spend 180 of their day-job days as the smartest (or, at least, best informed) person in the room. Professors probably have it worse - they have half-way smart sparring partners, and probably can be forgiven for a bit of somewhat understandable conceit.

---

Alright, I wasted some time, bandwidth, and server space... finished my coffee... now, off to my Monday Night Thing, the whole pot luck thing.

Tah-rah!
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Feb. 5th, 2007 @ 03:55 pm Though you wished me well, you couldn't tell...
Current Location: PVPA study hall
Current Mood: better than I've been
Current Music: so much goddamn Roy Orbison -- someone stop me.
Tags: , , , , ,
or, to reiterate a joke I've used a few times into this ordeal: "Like the man sang, 'Instant Karma's gonna get you,' and by 'you', I think John Lennon kind of meant 'you, Sean Landers'."

Remember my stratospherically ecstatic last post?

And how great I felt?

And how awesome it was to have such a delicate relationship?

(Note how much I've been using the past tense in this post?)

---

I could post the big long wailing update I wrote -- which once more calls into question whether or not I live and labor beneath some kind of awful kind of curse -- and this update, I assure you, would make you wail in horror, clench your teeth in empathic agonizing, pass out from emotional exhaustion...

But I like you too much to put you through that kind of ordeal.

Instead, I choose to bring you up to date via an epic cycle of senryu.

Each may stand on its own, but connected, they form a remarkable & enduring whole.

---

girlfriends' dire message --
let it go straight to voicemail
on new comics day.

---

deadly serious
I call her up quick --
one hand on the wheel.

---

can I come over? --
not tonight, she said to me,
not ever, please.

---

a heart chokes and aches
reawoken recently --
valentine's month blues

---

dawn, new semester! --
papers to grade, new classes,
useful work to do.

---

if you want to vanish --
keep a fellow occupied,
and he will forget.

---

And like that, neat and clean, I bring you up to date.

My new place is still pretty great, so far.

So 1-1 for 2 isn't bad. Can't win 'em all.

(Can't 'win' a relationship, either.)
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Jan. 30th, 2007 @ 01:37 pm Home again, home again, jiggity-jig!
I seem to have come back from Hawai'i... to someone else's life entirely.


And you may find yourself living with your friend in a two-bedroom house in the hills.
And you may find yourself beginning a delicate relationship with a truly wonderful and beautiful girl.
And you may find yourself trying to be that authentic and genuine fellow you only thought you were pretending to be.
And you may say to yourself - well... how did I get here?


Despite United Airlines leaving my luggage in Chicago, my return to Hartford after ~24 hours of travel was quite successful and somewhat triumphant. I was nervous all the way back - I knew Roo would be waiting for me, and my parents as well, who she had just had dinner/lunch with... and, you know... I don't know.

I've been in some healthy relationships, and wonderful relationships, but never one with a proper beginning; and this is that relationship. Things are going quite well, except for the fact that I left the mainland for like two weeks. but, you know, there were measures in place for deepening and cementing our bond, and that seems to have paid off.

Is it weird that I'm scared?
Like I don't know what to do next.
I just sort of do what comes naturally with her, and that works out really well.

And I don't want to do a lot of writing about this relationship on the Internet or anything... but I guess I'm just wool-gathering; and besides, it has a lot to do with the topic of today's sermon - Well... how did I get here?

Yesterday, on what was supposed to be my day off and my day of recouperation, Louie, Xtian & myself moved almost ALL of Louie's stuff from Pelham, MA to the wild and wooly hills of Blandford - this took all day - and left me exhausted - and wound up with us staying up late - playing monopoly - sipping tasty beer - and listening to records - including many records I lent Louie long ago, and only now have returned to me - the best part being that Louie didn't have to give them up to return them.

Yeah.


"This is like my grandparents house."
"This is JUST like MY grandparents house."
"This, like, IS my grandparents house."


Stuff is super good. My grandparents' house is sort of amazing; more like an art installation than a museum... as I said to Louie last night, 'you couldn't do this on purpose' -- most of the original decoration is intact and still extant on site. Sitting around with Hannah & Louie last night on the rug, near the fireplace, Hannah was reflecting that it feels like home... and I think it does, for all of us, not just me.

---

And I'm trying to stop being a recluse, and enjoy the kinda new person I accidentally became over two weeks of total separation from my ordinary social context.

I feel transformed, renewed. Ordinary & wonderful.

But also, I haven't been sleeping much, so. I feel a bit like hammered shit, when I don't feel as if I've gone entirely out of my mind.

In fact, I'm falling asleep right now as I write this, waiting for software to download (which I will later use to help a student convert a .VRO file to mpeg-2 format -- or something that Adobe Premier can actually DO something with.

Only 21 minutes to go.

---

And I have to put together next semester's curriculum... like... fucking now. The Whole Shebang starts up again in a few days - Monday, in fact.

If you give a crap, please click. If not, please don't.

( Read more... )

Do florists still sell flowers in January?
Where do they come from?

Anyway, that's all I got to say, right now that is fit to be published.

I'm out.
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Jan. 21st, 2007 @ 09:31 am (no subject)
Yesterday:

ate some durian (tron-pineapple; geometric 'ugly fruit' covered in razor-sharp spines; stinks even through the ultra thick rind; lemon-onion-banana custard taste that induces deep sleep and odd dreams), fulfilling a long-time dream of mine,

went to the beach
where...
the ocean threw a rock at my shin REALLY hard while I stood in the surf,
the ocean's current nagged at me insistently (the ocean wanted me yesterday),
I saw a sleepy sea-turtle,
I walked barefoot in the crazy sand -- grainy black like iron filings,
watched some dudes smash SMASH SMASH a coconut for like 40 minutes,
I walked on the rocks and stared down into tidal pools,
the ocean tried to wash me off the rocks where the tidal pools were,
I tried to catch crabs --

and then I got pie. Chocolate cream.

Then I came home.

Today I made a sacrifice to Pele, and now I'm going up 13,000 feet.

Wish me luck.
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